It Hurts To Lose

By Jack Gray

That seems almost self-evident, doesn’t it? I can almost hear you say, “Man, you didn’t need to tell us that. I already knew that. It is especially stressful to come in THIRD, even when you know you have run a good race.” Now all of that is true, but is not the focus of my message…so keep reading. You see, there is more than one way of winning, and feeling like a loser may be only in your mind.

First, this thing called winning is highly over-rated. Especially when it is restricted to who gets the awards. There are a lot of winners out there who never get a trophy. They may have lost weight or changed their lifestyle or learned better ways of eating, but they are winners all. They have developed self-worth and confidence, They have won that grand prize of feeling good about themselves; and it can hardly get any better than that!

Then there are times when we win only by default. The competition just wasn’t there. We may have run a terrible race; and still come in first in our age group. We are almost ashamed to pick up the award and wish that no one would even mention our time…yet to some we would still be identified as being a winner. If so, we sure don’t feel like it, for we are terribly displeased with ourselves.

Again, there are false expectations. We have set our sights too high. We may have recently run a race exceptionally well, so now we expect to match or surpass that time in every event. Yet all kinds of things intervene. We have to remind ourselves that this is a different race and probably on a different course. The temperatures, the humidity, the type of course, the time of day, what you have eaten and when; can all have a bearing on how you will run this race. Setting your sights to high in advance can open the door for real disappointment. It can set you up for being dissatisfied even with a fine race. This will rob you of the thrill of your victory.

Even when we run a miserably bad race (as most of us will sometimes), just cut yourself some slack. This is not the end of the world. There are other races yet to come. Try to determine very quickly what went wrong; and then put that thing behind you. Dwelling on it is not going to make it better; and nothing will get you through it faster than just one good run. Be sure you allow yourself time to recover and then get that good run in as quickly as possible. The memory of a past failure can inspire you this time; and will make your coming victories all the sweeter.

That brings me to what produced this article in the first place. It is a thing that challenges me, even though I do not fully understand it. It does not even seem reasonable, yet I know that it is true. I speak of how you hurt more physically after a bad run than you do after a good one. You have to run a shorter distance, at a slower pace; and yet you feel physically worse. It hardly seems possible; but it happens nevertheless.

I know that some of this is psychological. I realize that we can get pumped up by the thrill of victory, so that it will mask any physical discomfort that we might otherwise have. But that does not account for the morning after…or even two days later… when we are still miserable following our failure. Some of this has to be physical reactions, rather than just a product of discouragement or depression. That part is really hard to understand. We ran a shorter distance, at a slower pace; but we still hurt worse that at other times. Running poorly can have that effect on us. That is why I say it hurts, even physically, to lose.

Naturally, mental attitude is important in your running. Running a race is almost as much mental as it is physical. Having realistic expectations is also important. Not expecting more of yourself than you are able to do is imperative. Being kind to yourself has its place; but few things will ever be as important as your personal assessment of winning and losing. You will largely make yourself a winner or a loser by your own definitions. You will find that if you can come away feeling good about yourself, there’s not a way in the world that you will be less than a winner every time. Just try it and see!